We Can't Stand a Grind
(Haverford's response to the Song of the Brainy Female)

When she's built like a panzer,
And thinks she's a dancer,
And expects to be wined and dined.
Well, our love covers these lacks,
But foremost of the drawbacks is
We can't stand a girl who's a grind!

I took her on her first date
She complained that nine was too late,
"I must read up on my Kant," she whined.
In her phil class, my four-o
I maintained by watching Zorro,
And we can't stand a girl who's a grind.

Who's a grind, who's a grind,
No we can't stand a girl who's a grind!

Why don't you shed excuses,
Narrow-minded bright recluses,
Take a course learning how to unwind.
No, it's not that you're ugly,
Or that you're less than snuggly,
But you can't remain blind
To the bind in your mind,
And we won't choose a girl who's a grind!