i sat
literally sat
and pounded at your
permission-fixed door
what had you to say to me
that takes you so long to compose
to save
and perhaps to discard
with little regard
to my strangled heart
and choked mind
`permission denied'
`permission denied'
i thought i cried
enough
but compulsion of soul
is a strange creature
one that doesn't fuck lightly
with your central existence
i spent the day
rocking at home
and rational to them
the them of my friends
the drive from the 
midnight grocery run
left me thrashing
in a tempo i
never used to own
and brought me down
to the chillinois
spring night
tobako o kudasai
leftover
and bitter
on the stairs
that will never be
my own